1 And the Lord, from His mountain, speaking through his prophet, did tell the Israelites, and Canannites, and Hashemites, and Yosemites, and Oregonians, and liberals and conservatives alike,
2 ‘Thou shalt purchase the Macintosh with OS X 10.5, for it is good in my sight. And thou shalt revel in its grace and simplicity and ease of use and power that cometh from me and from UNIX, that was spawned from me through AT&T.’
3 Then the Lord spoke angrily to his prophet and said, ‘But, woe unto those who revel in the systems from the fallen angel vanquished from my sight who resideth in Redmond.
4 ‘Thou shalt take that Vistabomination and smite it with hammers, and thou shalt cleave it with an ax, and thou shalt run over it with carts lead by oxen, who will defecate upon it, and urinate upon it, and trample it over with their hooves. And this shall be good in my eyes.’
5 And the Lord then spake to his prophet anew upon shewing him the vision of the evil done on the land by Beelzegates and his minion Balmeriad. The prophet was frightened of the incompatibilities and crashes and lock-ups shewn to him and cowered.
6 And the Lord said, ‘If thou cannot purchaseth a Macintosh, which is good in mine eyes, thou shalt find a good Intel computer and install Linux, or BSD, or other flavor of UNIX, the holy OS.’
7 The prophet asked why that would be good, and the Lord respondeth, ‘Any OS that battles the abomination from Redmond is good in mine eyes.’
8 The prophet questioned not the wisdom of the Lord. He proceedeth to the holy place where Mac OS X and Linux were sold, and being obedient to the Lord did purchase the holy Mac, partitioned the holy hard drive and installed Linux alongside its bretheren Mac OS.
9 And the Lord smiled on the prophet.